Validation

What do we mean by validation?

One definition is wanting someone to acknowledge what we are saying is right, the recognition or affirmation that our feelings or opinions are valid and worthwhile.

💠We all want that, we want to be right, we want to be liked and to have the feeling of doing the correct thing. We want to have the confirmation we are right.

💠Quite often, however, what happens is that we look for this validation when we’re not quite sure if it’s the correct thinking or decision. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves the chance to think about it and ask ourselves that question. We make a decision, or we make a statement and look to others to agree with us.

💠We then think – great, full steam ahead – and we react to that validation, that confirmation. Sometimes we spend a few moments, even a few hours, days, or months (if it’s a major project) convincing ourselves the decision was ours and it was correct.

💠But we suddenly realise at some point that the decision wasn’t actually what we wanted. We didn’t acknowledge our first gut instinct or question ‘was this what I really wanted?’, we find we’ve already gone down the wrong path and possibly invested a large amount of money or time.

But why do we want the validation?

💠I said at the beginning that we want the confirmation of being right, we want to be encouraged and liked, but sometimes we forget the importance of ‘is it right for me?’.

The only way we can really work out if something’s right for us is to sit with our thoughts, not necessarily in silence, but sit with what we are really wanting.

💠But how do we do that, allowing ourselves the time and space to think and formulate our own thoughts, without getting distracted?  Our lives are so full and busy that to allow ourselves the so-called luxury of sitting with our thoughts, is a rarity.

💠We want to feel safe and for our brains to know we won’t be judged or argued with.

💠When we allow that to happen – and I speak for myself as well as for my clients – it makes such a difference as to how we decipher those thoughts, how we question our assumptions.

💠When we get security to think out loud, we find we resonate with what we actually want and what is right for us on whatever it is we are seeking validation for.

💡Remember what we think or what we want, whether it’s for us, our team or organisation, it has to be correct for us and not what others think is right.

💡When our thinking and decisions align with our values, we become totally committed, totally focused, and we can achieve what we want.

💡When we become focused, gain clarity then we and our team grow. The knock-on effects are profound and the value of that cannot be quantified in monetary terms.

 If you find yourself already saying ‘I don’t have the time to for all that’ then you’ve never really experienced the power of your own thinking.

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